Har muligens ikke verdens mest innholdsrike liv…

«If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?»

«A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dog was chasing people on a bike. My dog doesn´t even own a bike…»

“A paper cut is a tree´s last revenge”

“The “check engine” light came on, so I did, and it´s still there.”

«I’d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.»

«I decorated my bedroom to look like a classroom so I can fall asleep faster»

“The gynecologist said I couldn´t have sex for 2 weeks. My husband wonders what my dentist said”

«It’s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he’s getting hit by a train.»

«People say 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn’t agree.»

«Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. Ready or not here I come…»

”If you feed a cat, it´s convinced it must be God. If you feed a dog, it´s convinced you must be God”

«Why do dogs always think the knock at the door is for them?»

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.”

Turn off the lights when you leave a room. How would you like it if someone turned you on and then just left?»

«Be careful saying a woman’s place is in the kitchen. That’s where the knives are kept.»

«I’m all about sharing the road with other drivers, as long as they use the part behind me.»

«Dear math, I don’t want to solve your problems. I have my own to solve.»

«If I want something done right, the LAST thing I would do is do it myself.»

«I’m pretty sure if dogs could talk their most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”»

«I just read a list of ‘100 things to do before you die’. I’m pretty surprised ‘yell for help’ wasn’t one of them «

“Age only matters if you´re a wine or a cheese”

«We’re all so mature until a friend comes along with bubble wrap. «

«Having a picture of your car as your Facebook pic does not make me think you have a cool car. It makes me think you hate your face.»

«I bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese»

“Sure I could agree with you, but then we´d both be wrong.”

«Say «no» to drugs all you want because talking to inanimate objects is the best way to show people you’re sober.»

«I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.»

«In hindsight, Carnival cruise lines probably regrets not doing a background check on Captain Morgan.»

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